While most single ladies my age would welcome a relationship if a good one presented itself, it’s also a reality that many of us are just about tired of trying. We’ve spent more than a decade in the dating world and after meeting some not-so-stellar candidates for our heart, we’ve all but given up our quest to find love.But just before you throw in the towel, consider with me, if you will, a new approach.
The bible tells us to be “wise as a serpent but harmless as a dove”. While we practice what the bible preaches in other areas of our lives like how to get the best deal at the supermarket or from a mechanic, most of us drop this principle by the wayside when it comes to dating.
Here are some important keys to keep in mind that will help you make the most out of your dating experience and walk away from any situation, good or bad, with your dignity and heart still in tact:
- Realize that the playing field is level, at least initially. So many women approach a dating situation like a potential employee being interviewed by her boss. He may listen to Rick Ross and feel like he’s the biggest boss, but that doesn’t make him the boss of you! Don’t forget that while you’re being sized up to also size him up! You don’t have a lot of time on this level playing field so it’s important that you take in as many observations as possible in the first few moments of meeting him. After all, you’re trying determine if the man before you is indeed a worthy investment of your time or if the two of you are just doing a great job of covering up the incompatibility between you.
- Believe what you see! So many of us have met a gentleman online who impressed us with lengthy conversations and impressive text messages, but upon meeting him, we were disappointed by the way he carried himself. Let’s be real here ladies. Even when you’re chillin, you’re on point! So why is his faded graphic tee shirts and love for sneakers in every photograph acceptable to you? Nine times out of ten, this gentleman will not be willing to dress up and take you anywhere and if he does dress up, he’ll make it clear that he is not a happy camper. Do you really want to deal with that six months from now? Better to observe in 6 minutes and keep the line movin’ than after 6 months when you’re trying to make it work and save face.
- Believe what you hear! Did he REALLY just ask your cup size? Did he REALLY just ask you when was the last time you had sex? Unless you’re working as a bra model or he’s a gynecologist, these questions, asked by him in the name of “honesty”, are inappropriate at best and a huge RED FLAG at worse. While it may be tempting to write those little slips of common decency off, you must stay present. You’re investigating. This is the man on his BEST behavior. He’s already discussing your underwear and your sexual behavior before he knows anything about you as a person. Sounds like a guy who’s really interested in getting to know you outside of the bedsheets, right? Moving right on along.
- Believe what you feel. This guy is heaven sent! He’s dressed to impress, he’s respectful. He looks good on paper and he even bought over a new toy for your cat Whiskers (aww!). But something just doesn’t feel right about him. You can’t put your finger on it and you have no evidence to support your uneasiness, but it just won’t go away. This is called “discernment”; and this is the Holy Spirit telling you, “I know something you don’t know and have no way of knowing. You can either trust Me, because I don’t lie, or you can trust him, a complete stranger”. Because you’re investigating and not dating, nor have you invested more of your time and energy than you should without said investigation, you can quickly lose his number and trust that you won’t be trying to dial 911 from the inside of his trunk, thanks to the Holy Ghost.
A lot of women feel victimized by the whole dating process and have nothing but horror stories to tell. But it’s time that women of God arose in power and most importantly, WISDOM.
Dating is not a marriage so why are you doing the most in it?! It is a time that should be well spent in respectfully gathering the needed information about someone to make an informed decision. Just because someone may not qualify to be your spouse doesn’t mean you haven’t met a good friend or someone with whom you can network.
Just because it’s been months (or years) since you had a date doesn’t mean you should tolerate any and all behavior. You have a lot to offer to a man who can see your true value and worth.
But it’s up to YOU to make sure you’re not giving someone the keys to your heart that you didn’t even take the time to get to know. Don’t leave your good mind in your purse! Take it out, use it and observe. And once you’ve investigated, make no apologies whatsoever for the conclusions you draw.
What are your thoughts on trading in dating for investigating?