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Reality tv has taken over our culture. Although I don’t have cable, I am aware of a couple of shows that have a generated a lot of interest. One particular show that follows a high profile rapper and his family that seems to be taking the nation by storm.
While I’m not a big fan of rap (I can’t get down with some of its content) I am a fan of this particular rapper and have always been. There’s always been something unique about him and his approach to the music that he creates. He carries himself with a quiet confidence and although he’s a slight man in stature, he walks tall in the business and based on past episodes, at home as well.
After last night’s season premiere, my twitter timeline was abuzz with women tweeting how much they loved the relationship he had with his wife and how they wanted a man and a relationship just like that.
I was cool until they said that.
Wow.
I began to think to myself, “Have we come to this?”
I’m in no way speaking against this man’s relationship. I think it’s admirable that he’s a family man which is an image we don’t often see in Hip Hop.
Unfortunately, another image equally invisible is a long lasting relationship that doesn’t have to be forged in a plethora of drama.
Yep, I said it.
It’s almost as if black women have been asked to “pay their dues” with a black man in order to earn his loyalty, confidence, and ultimately, his last name.
While this particular rapper’s wife appears to be living the good life and being treated with respect and showered with gifts now, there were some dark, and highly public days that she endured before finally becoming “The Mrs”.
This bothers me tremendously.
Why is it that a black woman isn’t worthy of being a wife unless and until she’s gone through the fire, flood, accepted the babies he made outside of the relationship, waited for him to get out of prison and walked the tight rope while he was on probation?
While I think it’s good that this particular couple is trying to show the world a more positive image, I also feel that we should press deeper and expect more of ourselves than what we’ve seen so far.
Those black men who have been neglecting their households should settle down and be the family men they should be. But how about we step it up a bit and challenge these same men to stop bombarding the lives of their families and loved ones with all this unnecessary drama and heartache?
A woman’s love shouldn’t have to endure years of abuse before you realize it’s worthy of your trust.
God bless the women who have stuck in there and seen the day their men came home and did the right thing by them.
But the harsh reality is that so many women hold it down for men who never return the loyalty. While this particular rapper’s wife appears to have struck gold and seen her sacrifices rewarded, it was a crap shoot and she just happened to have the dice on her side that day.
Most of the time, the average sister out here going through similar circumstances can’t necessarily anticipate a similar outcome.
So should this be the standard? Should we be telling our young women if they stick it out with a thug or an unfaithful man that he’ll eventually mend his ways and make her the real wife she’s been pretending to be to him for years?
Nah, I don’t think so.
What I do think is that this is a start, and a good one.
But we should not as a culture and society settle for this start.
We must continue to challenge our peers, communities and OURSELVES to do better.
And oh yes, better does exist, even if it’s not seen on prime time reality tv.

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