Ok. Now that I have your attention. lol!
Isn’t it funny how two little words can evoke so many different emotions all at once?!
Be sure to check out Part 1 here of the girlfriend’s perspective if you missed it. Today, we’re addressing baby mama’s perspective.
So baby mama, your former boyfriend, fiancee or husband has moved on and found someone new. While most evolved women would say this is a non issue to them, the truth is that it has created challenges for many women. While it feels like everyone thinks you’re a drama queen, it’s not too often that the parties involved pause to consider your point of view.
What are the top things that “baby mamas” contend with?
1. Being pre-judged. Almost instantly, it is assumed that any negativity that arises in a co-parenting arrangement originates from you. Being pre-judged only makes your stress level and attitude WORSE.
2. Lack of communication. Communicating with the father of your children can be difficult, particularly when his significant other doesn’t approve. This only compounds the issues that creep into the co-parenting arrangement.
3. Unresolved issues.Whatever caused the romantic relationship your shared with the father of your children to crash and burn is often never properly resolved. The fact that the two of you have not dealt with your past issues tends to haunt you both throughout the co-parenting experience.
4. We may not share a bed, but we do share a responsibility! It’s one thing to be told when to call and when not to come by because of his new relationship, and it’s another when he doesn’t seem to pick up the burden of responsibility on his own, now that you’ve backed off. It can be very frustrating and create tension between everyone involved.
I could go on and on about the things that “baby mamas” deal with and go through. So, what’s a baby mama to do when she’s dealing with the father of her children and his “new woman”?
1. Don’t be petty. Sounds simple, right? Well, far too many of us aren’t getting the memo. It may be true that his girlfriend/wife/fiancee disrespected you the last time you tried to call him but bringing that up in conversation now only makes baby daddy that much more inclined to ignore your calls. It’s imperative that you stay focused on purpose of your call and the need of your child and resist the urge to be petty. You may only get one shot to talk to this man so please, make it count and keep it to the point.
2. So what he has a girlfriend! It’s really not that serious. It’s not critical that you meet his new woman, particularly if he nor she desires to meet you. Forcing the issue will only add to the animosity. Don’t work yourself up with thoughts of your child being in harm’s way around a complete stranger. It’s dad’s responsibility to make sure the kids are safe while on his watch. If you doubt his ability to do this, then you need to take that to court. But don’t take it into your own hands to try to manage what goes on in his house. That’s way more involvement than you need. You will have your chance in the future to meet his new woman, particularly if she’s a permanent part of his life. But don’t force issue. Just keep your heart open to the opportunity to meet her when it comes so that you’ll be ready for it with the right attitude.
3. Watch your mouth. Don’t sabotage your own co-parenting situation by running off at the mouth around your kids about their father and his new woman. Parenting is for grown up’s. Put your big girl pants on and keep quiet. A soft answer turns away wrath.
Not everyone shares the same experience in co parenting or being a single parent, I understand.
But just like any relationship, a co-parenting relationship will shift, change and grow over time. What’s tense today may not be so bad a year from now so be patient!
The goal is never to try to change anyone else but to look inwardly and self evaluate. Your children have two imperfect parents who love them. The important thing is that you both continue to try your best for them.
Day by day, God will give you the wisdom and grace you need to handle any situation that comes your way, including how to handle your baby daddy and his “lady friend”. *wink*
Check back for part 3 where I will address the man in between these two dueling women: Baby Daddy.