I can remember a time in my life when it seemed like everything was pressing in on me all at the same time. I was under such intense pressure; my weight ballooned, my stress went through the roof and my health began to fail. At the time, I thought all that was missing was a stable, loving relationship. I had a “man” (I guess you could say) but I was always in doubt, wondering if he loved me as much as I loved him (turns out he didn’t) and if our relationship would ever be what I’d hoped it would be. I can remember saying to myself, as my finances were in shambles and I was struggling to make our ends meet, “I’d give up everything: the house, the car, everything…and I’d live in a one bedroom apartment with my two children and my man, and be happy. Just as long as we were all together and loved each other”.
Well, I never got that desire, and thank God I didn’t.
But here lately, my mind has wandered back to that place of desperation where I used to be. My heart longed for the love, company and fellowship of a man. I just wanted him to hold me, love me, tell me I was beautiful. I just wanted him to WANT me. I wanted him to want to spend time with me. I didn’t care if we lived in a run down trailer with dirt for a yard. As long as he was there and he loved me…I’d be proud of OUR trailer and our dirt for a yard. I’d live in a one bedroom apartment if he invited me there. It didn’t matter that it wasn’t fancy, it just mattered that he desired me. If he desired me, I’d give him the best of me. I’d do all I could to make our house a home. I’d use every resource I had to make our lives better together.
That’s how I used to feel about a man…
A human being..
A creature full of flaws, just like me.
I was willing to sacrifice everything I had, everything I’d ever owned, and everything I was, just to be his.
And then it hit me…
What if I had the same longing, hunger, and passion for God?
What if I said to Him, “Lord, I don’t care about material things, houses, cars, and clothes. I just want You! Wherever you are, that’s where I want to be, and wherever You are will be home to me”?
What if my heart longed for Him as it had at one time longed for a man full of flaws and faults, unable to heal or deliver me?
What if I fell in love with Jesus again?
A couple of services ago, my man of God, Apostle Ricardo Watson taught about the saddest verse in the bible. It reads as follows:
“Go up to the land flowing with milk and honey. But I will not go with you, because you are a stiff-necked people and I might destroy you on the way.” Exodus 33:3
Apostle Watson explained to us that God was going to give them everything He promised them and everything they wanted. He told them they could go in and possess the Promised Land. He would give them everything they wanted, but He would not go with them. How sad it is for our loving God to see how madly in love we are with things while our hearts are far from Him. May He never say to any of us, “Here. You can have everything your heart, soul and body have been longing for. You can have the house. You can have the man or the woman. You can have the job and the riches. I’ll let you have it. But I won’t go with you anymore”.
So at this point in my life, sure, we all want our needs met. We want a place to stay, clothes to wear and food to eat. We want to dwell in a degree of comfort, that is true. But I want nothing at the expense of the presence of God.
There was a time in my life when i was willing to give up everything for the sake of a relationship- a MAN. Nothing else mattered to me but that man.
Now, nothing else matters to me but God.
There’s a price to be paid to walk with God.
People will look at you like you’re extreme and fanatical. You may lose friends…
You may have to walk away from some opportunities of a lifetime.
You may have to walk away from a relationship.
But how valuable is His presence to you?
What have you been willing to trade His presence in your life for?
And once you answer that question, answer this one:
What are you willing to trade that His presence might return?
Lord, I’m in love with You and nothing else matters.