One of the things I strive to be in this blog is transparent. Well, let me be transparent about my single life and dating experience. It has been dreary. lol!
A lot of fuss is made of women being bitter, angry, wounded, hurt and broken from past relationships and past hurts. We have movies about our anger, plays about our pain, and novels about our issues.
What you don’t hear a lot about is what many women like myself have encountered in our singleness: that is the Mad Man.
These are the men who while in the first few conversations of getting to know you can’t stop talking about their ex wives or their ex girlfriends who ran off with the mailman or emptied his bank account and left him homeless and sleeping in his car.
This is the man who no longer sends flowers or makes any real effort to date or court a woman because after all, women don’t appreciate such niceties and mistake kindness for weakness.
These are the men who make no effort to impress the women they initially show interest in. They text instead of calling directly over the phone, they make no effort to assist the women by so much as opening her car door or carrying her heavy bags and the ones who proudly declare that chivalry is dead because women killed it.
These are the men who cast a suspicious eye in the direction of any woman who tries to show him any genuine care and concern. He’s always waiting for the other shoe to drop. If a woman is “too nice” to him, she’s obviously a con artist who’s trying to play him for a fool. He’s the guy who falls madly in love with a woman who curses, swears, calls him everything but a child of God, won’t give him a glass of water in a hot burning desert, and treats him as if he’s completely disposable. He camps out in front of her door begging for a drop of her attention, while the woman willing to honor him gets ignored and left on the curb.
He’s the man who’s decided that marriage is for losers so the best thing to do is let a woman treat him like she’s his wife while giving her just enough hope to keep her hanging on. He’s the man who cannot be bothered with talk of deeper commitment, and will quickly retort, “If it aint broke, don’t fix it”. He’s the man who doesn’t say “all women are bad”… he says all the right things, but he keeps his heart and true motives under lock and key so the woman he does bring near to him never truly knows where she stands with him and he never truly tells her if their relationship is significant to him. He’s the man who is present but completely emotionally unavailable.
Most single women of maturity will tell you they’ve ran up on some Mad Men a time or two. It’s not just a certain age range anymore. Young and old, rich and poor. There are just as many Mad Men as Angry Women.
Why am I writing this?
I’m writing this because often the emphasis for deliverance from the pain of our past is placed on women. But I believe the church needs to change this dynamic to include men.
There are just as many men suffering from emotional pain and damage as women, and arguably, there are more because most suffer in silence. Their pain is masked in anger issues, substance abuse and promiscuity. A promiscuous man is socially acceptable but that doesn’t mean he isn’t hurting and broken just like a promiscuous woman.
If you are a Mad Man or know a man who is, I encourage you to pray for that man, specifically that God would heal the pain of his heart. These men are our fathers, brothers, pastors, husbands, uncles and leaders. These men serve as our law enforcement, our judges, our military personnel and our educators. When you think of it like that, you begin to see just how important it is for these men to be healed and delivered.
Maybe you were married to a Mad Man once before. Maybe the father of your children is a Mad Man. Maybe even your brother or best friend is a Mad Man. His relationships never seem to function as they should because of the pain he harbors either from childhood or the relationships of his past. But there is hope! Many women have emerged from brokenness into the Light of God’s glory and Grace. Many women have come to know that the past is OVER in Jesus. They no longer have to live as slaves to their past or the people who created painful memories. Some women had several men hurt them but because of the delivering power of God, they have not judged all men and have gone on to live happy and fulfilled lives in healthy relationships.
Deliverance is available to all…not just women.
Mad Men can find peace and joy too.
If you are reading this and are a Mad Man, I pray that you will reach out in prayer to God. I also pray that you would reach out to a trusted clergy member or counselor. You don’t have to live in this prison of anger and frustration. You don’t have to pass down a legacy of pain, violence, absence, and promiscuity to your sons and daughters. You can be free. He whom the Son sets free is free indeed!
Today could be the beginning of a new chapter in your life.
If I were you, I’d take that step and end what has been a long life of pain to walk in the brightness of a hopeful future in Christ Jesus.
You don’t have to be a Mad Man.
Be God’s Man.