I’m afraid of bugs. I know this may sound completely random but stick with me… I’m going somewhere with this.
It’s a completely irrational fear. I’m almost 6 feet tall, over 260 lbs. Can you even weigh a bug?
But when one appears unexpectedly in my house, I turn into a squealing little girl. It’s really quite absurd how I carry on. Don’t judge me. lol!
I had to confront that fear head on when I had children. I was in my room one day and my children were in the family room when I heard a scream. I asked Caitlyn to come to me and tell me what was wrong. It wasn’t long before I saw what the problem was.
There on her shirt was a little armored looking bug that I’ve often seen on my car hanging on like he’s made of super glue. Apparently one had found his way to her shirt and was now scaring the living daylights out of her.
I’ll admit it…
For a split second, I wanted to beg her brother Matthew to get it. lol!
So what happened?
I took a deep breath, found a sheet of paper and guided the little critter onto it. Then, I opened the door and placed him back in his habitat. Everyone made it home safely that day, thanks to me. I’m sure Mr. Beetle Bug is happy to be in one piece.
I wish I could tell you that when it comes to everything I’ve faced in my life, I’ve faced it fearlessly. But that would be a huge lie.
When I held the pregnancy test in my hand July of 2005, I was afraid.
When I thought I’d have to raise him by myself because his father fell off the face of the earth with his own fears, I was afraid.
When I wondered how I’d explain being 28 and pregnant to my family, I was afraid.
When I thought about how on earth I’d raise a child when I’d barely changed a diaper, I was afraid.
Fear has been a factor in my life for sure, even before my children arrived.
However, just like that irrational fear of the wee little beetle bug, all my other fears have proven to be just as irrational.
Little did I know at the time why grace is said to be so amazing.
It’s amazing because it meets you right where you are, mistakes and faults stacked around you like boxes, but it NEVER leaves you where it finds you.
Grace found me and lifted me. Grace showed me that even though I’d done a lot of wrong and made plenty of bad decisions, the best decision I ever made was to follow Jesus. That one decision guaranteed me that I’d never lose in life. EVER.
No matter where I go, the grace of God will find me and I will win.
“Diary Of A Baby Mama” is proof positive that you don’t have to live as a victim of circumstances beyond your control or even of your own design. There truly is “grace for every place”. If you believe and trust God, He can meet you wherever you are and lift you out of darkness and into His marvelous light.
I’m not religious by any stretch of the imagination. But I am a woman that is CONVINCED of the power of God and His ability to transform your life if you let Him. I’m a life that is changed.
No matter where you are today, Grace can find you.
I can’t tell you how many days and nights I cried, scared and confused… guilty and disgusted. I was frustrated and hurt. Angry and disappointed in myself.
But grace found me.
Grace doesn’t change your circumstances. Grace changes YOU.
And when you change, everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING begins to change.
With Love and God’s Amazing Grace,