I might ruffle a few feathers with this post, but I don’t mind. Once you hit your 30’s, you get a little tired of being censored and decide if everyone else can have an opinion, so can you. Another good thing about being my age is that it causes you to really assess your life and your management of time. I’ve been in several relationships of varying levels of commitment, with two taking up a combined 13 years of my life. Now, that may not sound like much time, but I’m only 33 years old. Add another 3 years to that number and I would have spent half my lifespan in relationships that went nowhere.
So what have I concluded from my makeshift research efforts?
BOYFRIENDS ARE THE BIGGEST WASTE OF A SINGLE WOMAN’S TIME.
Now before I get emails, comments, and notes, let me clarify my statement.
I’m not saying that friendships with the opposite sex are a waste of time. But let’s face it. True friendships don’t come to an end, even if romance was or wasn’t ever a part of the equation. I’m not friends with ONE boyfriend that I had in the past. That’s not to say that I haven’t had contact with an ex, but as far as them holding any significant or beneficial place in my life right now? Absolutely not. Of all the things I could have been doing as a single woman with no children back then, I chose to spend the lion’s share of my time pining, chasing, arguing, and otherwise striving with a boyfriend. When I say there was so much more I could have been doing with my life, I’m not kidding. For starts, I could have traveled abroad. I could have volunteered in my community. I could have poured myself into mentorship. I could have hit the gym and lost that nagging fifty extra pounds.Let me say that again. I could have been taking care of ME!! But instead, I gave 13 years of non-refundable time to boyfriends.
I think younger women, particularly those in their late teens and early twenties should beware of this time wasting monster called “boyfriend”. He takes up your time, emotions, and thoughts but when it’s all said and done, what is there to show for this heavy investment of time and effort? Is there a real future with this person? Is there a true friendship involved? Would the relationship survive if sex was taken off the table? If the answer’s “no”, then I’m sad to say that your time has been wasted.
But let’s face it. When I was a teenager and a young adult, all I wanted (besides my sister’s sense of style) was a boyfriend. It was just good to know that someone besides my mom thought I was pretty and wanted to spend time with me. I didn’t really put much value on friendship because girls who wanted to be just friends weren’t getting guys. Guys wanted someone they could sleep with or mess around with.
And that’s all fine and good until you look up ten, eleven and twenty years later and realize you just had your time wasted by a hollow relationship status called “boyfriend” that didn’t even afford you the benefit of a lasting and loving friend.
What good is a relationship that isn’t a friendship?
It’s a waste of time. When you’re going through a tough time and you need someone to talk to, there’s nothing like realizing the person you’re sleeping with can’t even be confided in. If he can see you naked but can’t ever know your real feelings, your time is being wasted.
I’m not blaming anyone for my time being wasted in the past because our time is ours to manage, whether wisely or foolishly. But I will say that now that I’m 33, I have absolutely no interest in a boyfriend. Will this revelation no doubt scare off a legion of eligible bachelors? It’s possible, but I’ll take my chances. Friendship is where the real hard work lives. Your friends are the ones who help you when you have the flu, loan you $100 between paydays and sit and cry with you all night long when your heart is broken. Friends are the ones who know what your dreams and fears are and can be trusted with your deepest secrets. That’s not necessarily covered under the “boyfriend” package.
Sure, this means I probably won’t have a handsome guy to take pictures with and post to my facebook page as well as go out to dinner with. I’m willing to make that sacrifice. I know now that relationships are built, not imagined on social sites. I’d rather have someone who will let me share my dreams with him instead of someone who only wants to tag me in a photo.
Boyfriends are a waste of time.
But friendships are worthy investments.