Hey gang. I’m going to delve into a topic that I’ve only just lightly brushed in my blog entries and that’s dating.
I am sooo not sure about the whole enterprise.
For starts, I’ve been in “mommy mode” for 5 years now. All of those five years, I was fully focused on being a mom and being faithful to their father. As far as I was concerned, it was time for me to settle my happy self down and be a one man woman.
I’m no stranger to the scene though. I’ve dated a decent number of men over the years. Because I’m not all out on the social scene, I leaned towards online dating sites. Back in the day (we’re talking between 2000-2004) I met and befriended many men, some of whom I’m still in contact with today. Just so you know, my ex fiancee and I met online.
It is possible to meet good people online. I know because I’ve done it.
But life is a lot different now than it was in 2004.
Facebook and twitter certainly weren’t household names as they are today.
People are certainly a lot less “shy” about their passions and desires now.
With all this in mind, I often browse the “Bridal Bliss” column of Essence.com. I came across a couple who met on plentyoffish.com, a free online dating site. I’d never heard of this site so I was intrigued. I’ve heard of Match.com and even heard of a few success stories from eHarmony, neither of which I’ve tried.
I don’t do clubs, I’m really not in the mood to get dressed up and walk through Whole Foods in 4 inch heels and I certainly can’t be talked into going to the bar with anyone, so I figured online dating might be the best thing for me.
So I sign onto the new site and begin my search. I was surprised at the number of very handsome men on the site. I was also surprised and a bit disappointed to see some of the SAME faces from 2004. Really?! lol! I saw one guy’s picture on there that I actually went on one date with at least 6 or 7 years ago. The date was HORRIBLE. First of all, we met way too late at night and although it was a public place, nothing outdoors is safe after dark. He struck me as not altogether there and a little creepy. But ever the polite southern belle, I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and tough it out. I don’t think we even went to dinner or anything. We just had a walk in the park. Oh, it was a horrible mess. I think my memory intentionally blocked out some of the details. After making it back to my car safely, I decided I’d never call him again…EVER. Apparently the feeling was mutual because he never called me back either.
I met another man (who eventually became an ex) via blackplanet years ago. We started off as friends who exchanged pictures and chatted via yahoo messenger constantly. He helped me pass the time at work and we shared an interest in gospel music and family.
We had our first meeting in 2002 but because he was a fulltime student at Clemson and lived all the way in Charleston, things never took off. We did manage to stay in touch but I certainly moved on and dated other people and so did he. When I broke up with my ex fiancee, this gentleman and I decided to at least attempt to start hanging out together. I never will forget our first meeting after 2 years apart. Since he had a 3.5 hour drive from Charleston, I figured I’d have enough time to swing by the nail salon and get my mani and pedi. *ahh, I remember those days before children. I could afford such luxuries. LOL!* Back to the story..
Unfortunately, when you’re a walk in, you may find yourself in for a wait and I was. Before I knew it, he was calling me on my cellphone to tell me he was in town and needed me to guide him in to where I lived. I knew I’d be a few minutes more so I gave him the directions to the nail salon I was in. I could see through the windows when he pulled in but he couldn’t see me. I loved that advantage. lol! I gave myself a once over in the mirror, paid my bill and stepped out into the sun. He saw me, smiled, took one step and TRIPPED! lol! I didn’t even notice the trip because I was quite nervous myself. Later on he’d admit to me that at the sight of me, he became a bundle of nerves and almost hit the pavement. Aww… lol!
We dated briefly and even decided to give a relationship a try. For the short time that he was “my man”, he was good to me. He wasn’t perfect, but he tried to treat me right. Then, almost as quickly as it began, it ended. He called me one day to tell me that he couldn’t be in a relationship with me. I took it quite hard. After all, he was a nice guy. He was intelligent, loved family, committed to God and his church, big and tall like I like em!
But for reasons I’m still not clear on, he was done.
Funny thing is, every now and then he’ll send me a message on yahoo. A couple of years ago, he even requested my friendship on facebook
That was my last online dating experience and it was bittersweet.
So I’m staring at this plentyoffish.com website asking myself, “Am I really ready to let someone else into my life?” It’s not about trying to find a husband or even trying to go out on a date. But the simple fact of letting someone besides my family and children into this space of mine seems a little well, ya know…scary.
I’ve learned some things from all of my dating experiences and one big take-away has been don’t get too invested too quickly. I know it’s important to talk to someone to get to know them but there’s a way to go about it that won’t leave you heartbroken if things don’t pan out. I’ll probably never do telephone marathons again. It’s ok to talk by phone but for hours at a time? No ma’am! No sir!
I’m intrigued by the possibilities out there. I certainly believe there’s someone for me and he could very well be very close by. Am I ready to meet him just yet? That’s the question that’s flooding my mind. I keep trying to remind myself that a relationship built on friendship is what I truly want and if that’s the case, the person I meet will be someone to get to know, not to attempt to impress.
So as with everything else going on in my life, I’ll keep you posted and let you know how things go.
Of course, I’m staying prayerful and allowing discernment to be utilized. The Holy Ghost don’t lie! Can I get an amen? lol!