I think it’s fair to say there’s a little girl deep inside of every woman. Some may disagree and those who do are free to get their own blog and write about it. lol! But because it’s my blog, I’ll stand by this hypothesis. Just as I believe there’s a little boy inside of every man (evidenced by his love for video games, and gross/icky things) I think there’s a little girl inside of every woman.
My inner girl is a BRAT. Yep, I said it. She’s not only spoiled rotten, she’s also not very thoughtful and spends most of her time making demands based off of her fantasies. My inner “lil girl” is sassy. She knows she’s smart and has a firm command of the English language. She’s masterful at throwing a tantrum. She knows how to give a good verbal “left hook”.
I don’t have to look very far to see flashes of my inner “lil girl”. My daughter, Caitlyn, is a mini genius. She is outspoken, full of personality, opinionated and sassy. She doesn’t back down from her big brother and when all else fails, she knows precisely when to turn on the waterworks and flash those beautiful big brown eyes and get her way. She’s masterful at getting her way. She’s observant and persistent. She knows that the word “no” simple means “try another way”. There are so many strong qualities in my daughter. I love her tenacity and her guts. I love the fact that she speaks her mind and isn’t introverted. I love the fact that she can clearly articulate her desires.
I can, however, live without the tantrums….the many, MANY tantrums.
As annoying her tantrums are, I must admit I have my own. I’ve had my fair share of adult sized tantrums in relationships. I can only think of one relationship that didn’t contain major arguments and the more passionate the romance, the worse our arguments were.
Let me be honest.
I enjoy arguing.
Wow. I know that’s awfully honest but what else should I be on a diary/blog? I sincerely MUST enjoy arguing because it’s something I’ve done the most often and the most passionately in most of my relationships. I’ve disguised my propensity to argue as being “opinionated”, “defending the truth”, or “expressing myself”. but the real truth of the matter is that it’s my inner lil girl flipping the hell out.
Yep, said it.
FLIPPING OUT, LIL GIRL TANTRUM.
I grew up in a house where respect was premiere but only among adults. Adults were not obligated to respect you. If they did, then good but your job as a child was to respect adults at all times. Respect was not something that had to be earned by them. You were required to pony it up regardless of their actions toward you. Well, being as thoughtful as I was from a very early age, that never really sat well with me. I came into the world believing that if I understood the conversation taking place, I had every right to engage the speakers in a dialog. I was promptly corrected. Children are to be seen and not heard. We’re all familiar with that phrase. Well guess what? That inner, opinionated lil girl never went anywhere. She just learned how to bide her time and develop a huge chip on her shoulder.
By the time I entered into my first, serious relationship, he had a monster on his hands. I couldn’t understand at the time why I was so angry. I just knew that I was. We argued constantly and a few arguments even turned physical. I was always the aggressor. I’m not proud of this fact but guess what? Sometimes you gotta tell the truth to shame the devil. Men aren’t the only ones with bad tempers in this world. There are PLENTY of women who live a life on 8 (simmering) and it don’t take much to turn her dial all the way over to 10 (boiling). I was angry about a lot of things and looking back, I realize that little of it had anything to do with the man I was involved with at the time. It was an adult sized temper tantrum. That inner lil girl was raging like a maniac, kicking, screaming and demanding to be heard and understood.
But here’s something I’ve come to understand about that inner lil girl that I didn’t always see before. When we’re young, we’re encouraged to immediately use our imaginations to create worlds and scenarios that we personally enjoy. Have you ever seen two children playing an imaginary game and an argument starts because there’s a conflict in the ad libbing? lol! Unfortunately, adults do that and don’t even realize it.
Every girl wants something shiny, beautiful, big and bold. Never mind it isn’t real. It doesn’t have to be real to make a lil girl happy. When I was little, I’d use towels to pretend I had long hair. I used to LOVE getting those big, shiny plastic diamond rings for my fingers. It didn’t matter to me that it wasn’t real. Looking real was enough for me.
So what happens when the lil girl turns 33 on the outside but stays 7 on the inside?
She doesn’t mind the fake and phony. As a matter of fact, sometimes she even prefers the fake to the real because it’s about what she wants and not what anyone else wants. It’s her fantasy to live and to fulfill so if he isn’t necessarily a good man but can “look” the part, he’s good enough.
Right beside the inner lil girl is a woman who wants to be heard and wants to emerge. She’s tired of this 7 year old running her life. She’s tired of the tantrums that express themselves in eating problems, arguments and break up’s
It is incredibly selfish of anyone to enter a relationship knowing that they have deep seated issues and refuse to deal with them, expecting a life partner to somehow be able to manage their psychosis for them. Uh uh. No ma’am. No sir. Fix that. If you know you have an anger problem, deal with it. Don’t expect for a mate to be able to walk on eggshells for a lifetime around your land mine of a temper. Not fair. Not gonna work.
At some point the inner child needs to grow up.
She has to stop treasuring the fake over the real.
She has to stop wanting something to look good more than it BEING good.
She has to stop throwing a tantrum every time things and people don’t go her way.
She has to realize the world wasn’t made for her but she was made for it.
She has to realize that she doesn’t have to yell and scream to be heard. People will listen if you have something to say.
At the age of 33 I realize that I haven’t even given the woman in me a chance to speak and clearly define her needs. I’ve been too busy trying to pick this inner 7 yr old up off the middle of aisle 5 and calm her down. I haven’t even discussed with my 33 year old self what I value now, what I need now. Being 33 is drastically different than being 23. There are things I would have tolerated at 23 that I absolutely cannot stand now. There are places I wouldn’t mind frequenting at 23 years of age that I wouldn’t step foot in now. The woman in me wants to be seen and heard. She has needs. She’s not superficial. She’s seen some things and heard some things too. She’s bought into a few lies and seen a few tricks. She’s had nice looking things that weren’t necessarily good things. She places more value on things like peace of mind, respect, and integrity now. Every now and again the inner lil girl wants to flip the hell out and tell her that she wants this, that or the other.
But it’s time now to hear what the grown woman needs.
Hush, lil girl.